One big answer I keep coming back to is how our ego chooses to feel like an imposter when we are in a new arena or situation, when the decision has pretty big weight [or the illusion of], or when change or crisis is happening. And as leaders, these are pretty consistent experiences with us, especially when you are scaling and transforming your business.
What’s interesting is how trust is what can create the space for us leaders to navigate through new, intense, moments of change or crisis with ease and clarity, yet its absence is also what can cause us to dread, fear, and resist these moments.
So what gives?
What has us not trust ourselves?
The reality is, each of us has our own answer… and we all have what evokes us not choosing trust in common – new moments or change.
The value I create for my clients is guiding leaders to understand their experience with trust so they can learn how to trust themselves again and what they’re up to – no matter what – because none of us are immune to new moments or change.
I too struggle with trust, yet I now have the understanding and tools to regulate and coach myself through, yet I’m not perfect. This example makes me laugh now, yet when it was happening, I was on the struggle bus and forgot what I had in my toolbox. When we were in the process of launching our new approach and framework, we needed to select a logo. We went through a [unnecessary] rigorous process… only to choose one that is EXACTLY the same as the first logo I used with my private coaching practice back in the day. Talk about a full circle moment, or one could say, I know what I like.
The designer we used presented the one we selected in the first round, and we still had him present over 50 more options [can you say perfectionism?]. I chose not to trust because I wanted it to be perfect and even though I really liked the one we chose that I saw in the beginning of the process, my lack of trust had us spend more time, money, and resources on this because I thought there would be something better.
Now this was a pretty low-stakes scenario for me, so I am grateful that this was the moment I forgot what was in my toolbox.
I’m curious, how much time, money, energy, and resources have you spent on perfectionism, which is a form of not trusting yourself, the experience, or the process?
Not trusting yourself is a form of feeling like an imposter. Quite simply, feeling like an imposter is an insecurity… an insecurity rooted in the lack of trust a leader has in themselves.
When we don’t trust ourselves, it costs us in so many ways.
As I coach more and more clients, especially leaders who are highly visible and have vast responsibilities [which are the leaders that tend to feel these insecurities the most], I am reminded how easily these imposter feelings and insecurities can sneak in and have us doubt ourselves, choose perfection, or have us think we need many different opinions or options because we are choosing not to…
🔷 Trust what we know
🔷 Trust what we like
🔷 Trust what we think
🔷 Trust what we feel
These imposter feelings have us too afraid [most likely unconsciously] to make a decision or take a risk, because these insecurities have us too focused on the ‘what ifs’…
❓ What if it’s not the best or right choice
❓ What if there’s something/one better [there’s a distinction between this and right/best]
❓ What if it’s doesn’t work
❓ What if I’m rejected
❓ What if I look bad
And that list goes on.
The advantage for leaders is identifying what’s causing them not to trust themselves and what’s causing the ‘what ifs’ [each have their own source]. Once you identify, the next step, and in my opinion, the most valuable step, is understanding what you identified.
As someone who is familiar with the trust rollercoaster ride, I am grateful I am able to share vulnerably around how I struggle with trust, rather than keeping it secret, which just has it grow like weeds – like every insecurity. I also am grateful for the tools, strategies, and self-regulation I have now to navigate through moments of new or change, to a place where I am effective, neutral, and creating extraordinary impact.
What’s your experience with trust?
Learn more about Self Worth Advantage® and how to transform your insecurities into trust, clarity, agility, decisiveness, and extraordinary results and relationships.
