Last week I shared the 5 top attributes people ranked in a 2017 Gallup Poll based on how important these certain attributes are when considering whether to take a job with a different organization.
I want to circle back to #2, which was greater work-life balance and better personal well-being, and take a deeper look at work-life balance.
What does that mean to you?
Here’s what it doesn’t mean… that somehow your life and your work are different, that you can separate the 2, or that you are not your life while you’re at work or while you’re working.
I used to be an advocate for work-life balance because I fell for the notion of them being separate believing that we get to also honor our self-care, our desires, passions, hobbies, the people in our lives, and whatever else we wanted to connect with outside of our work or office.
Here’s the untold truth…. you are your life in every given moment. When you are at work or working, you are your life.
Work is just part of your life, not something separate from your life.
Your life is your life, and work is part of it.
Some of the deeper work I do with my private clients really explores this, because a lot of people are still living by this notion of work and personal/private life are something separate… and again they are not. Everything you do in your life.
You are 1 human being, not 2 separate beings.
Even if you believe you ‘play a part’ at work, you are still you. Maybe a slight exception might be a method actor who is literally trying to BE someone else while filming or during the production.
Even then many actors have revealed their emotional and psychological challenges after being someone else for extended stretches of time – how they lost connection with the people in their lives, feeling lost or overwhelmed after retiring from the character, feeling disconnected from the things that used to light them up and excite them,
This is kind of what you’re doing if you believe you’ve got to be someone else while at work.
This entire work-life balance concept is a deeper conversation of judgment.
Self-judgment to be specific.
Exploring self-judgment might feel unconventional, and uncomfortable yet when you explore it and learn how to transform it into what you want to feel instead, it’s incredibly liberating.
The bottom line is people believe they will be judged if they show up completely as themselves at work, or even worse, believe they will only be accepted if they pretend to be something other than their authentic selves while at work.
This is why people fully accepting all parts of who you are, and fully accepting all parts of others, is part of my vision.
It’s truly the fastest way to happiness, joy, peace, freedom, and fulfillment!
Yet so many people chose judgment.
Here’s the interesting thing, most companies, companies that have thriving cultures, and those that are ranked high in places to work, fully accept all parts of their people.
They know the people who are
- parents
- artists and performers
- disabled
- creative
- want to be the boss one day soon
- adventurous
- active
- activists
- who volunteer
- passionate about religion or spirituality
- vegans and who love meat
- and so much more
… because these companies get to know their people and their culture operates in a way where people are empathetic and understanding that you are your life, not your work and that your work is part of your life, not separate from your life.
Because of this culture, you are most likely in your dream job because you are able to be who are every day and not check your personal stuff at the door because everyone knows your personal stuff is part of your life and in some cases adds value to your work and performance.
Now, I’m not saying you should share all of the private details of your life, I’m talking about who you are and what you’re about. No one needs to know all of the juicy details of your life unless that’s the culture.
Think about it the other way around and let’s say you’re leaving your personal stuff at the door, what are you really bringing to work?
If you’re a parent and your child is sick, and you’re leaving that part of you at the door, how might that affect the work you produce that day, or how you relate to people the in office or your clients, how might it affect your attention, your decision making, problem-solving, and innovative abilities?
Here’s another thing… most people identify themselves as their work, which blows my mind when people or companies believe we have to check our personal lives at the door.
So if you go around introducing yourself as a lawyer, digital strategist, or a teacher, and you enjoy or find yourself talking about work or what you do often, how is this not your life? How is this something separate from your life?
And here’s the bigger piece here that most people haven’t added up…
Let’s say you work 8 hours a day, 5 days a week, and let’s say you’re awake for another 8 hours of the day, giving you a 16-hour day.
50% of your day is not focused on the major parts of your life or worse 50% of your day you are pretending to be something else.
If you add that up, it’s almost half your life you’ve suppressed who you truly are, what you truly think, and what you truly want. Some people wonder why they drink more than they like, eat more than they like, are tired, and don’t have the energy they want, and I’m sure you can add some more to that list.
When you start to see your patterns and the life you are actually creating, you start to see this is all of your life.
When you suppress who you truly are or what you truly want, the want comes out in a way that most likely isn’t supportive – some people are rude or doormat when they are not fully expressed. Some people are lazy or over-booked/overwhelmed when they aren’t truly themselves.
You get to fully be who you are and not leave any part of yourself at the door when it’s time for work, because that’s all it is, time for work – not time to switch into work-mode, or your work persona, or ignore or suppress other parts of your life.
Believing there is such a thing as work-life balance may not be useful for you, and instead, I ask my clients…
- Do you love your job?
- Do you love the work you are creating?
- Do you love the company you work for?
- Do you love the people you work with?
If these aren’t all solid YES’ then you may believe you don’t have a supportive work-life balance and need one when another possibility is you might not be fully showing up as yourself to work, or because you are not in your dream job, you cannot fully show up as yourself and feel excited and alive about everything you are, everything you are creating and everything in your life.
If your answers aren’t solid YES’ your mindset might be experiencing WORK as a 4-letter word that has you believing you need to escape work, get through it, tolerate or deal with it because it pays the bills…
Your dream job pays the bills too…
Why do want to be somewhere you constantly want to escape all day?
Why would you want to tolerate anything… tolerating means you are suppressing your authenticity, and are not fully accepting all parts of who you are or others.
I know this is so DEEP STUFF, yet as I said once you fully accept all parts of who you are, and fully accept all parts of others, you feel happy, joyful, peaceful, free, and fulfilled faster.
Yet so many people chose judgment.
So again, there is no such thing as work-life balance…
You are your life in every given moment and work is part of your life. If you are not in your dream job you might believe work is taking over and that you don’t have enough time for your life when in reality, you are giving your lifetime, just not your dreams and aspirations.
So I’m curious what are your thoughts on the notion of work-life balance? Are they separate, or do you believe your life, is your life?
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